How to not get stressed when hosting a party
I helped my mom host Thanksgiving this year, and it was my first time hosting where I felt truly at ease throughout the day. It wasn’t because everything turned out how I expected, in fact there was quite a few things I had to improvise. Because I had chosen to use what my mom and I already owned, I knew it wouldn’t end up matching perfectly. Even without buying new decorations, I felt we could still pull everything together in a way that looked beautiful and felt special.
Matching my vision of the table with what we actually had ended up being more difficult than I thought it would be. Between the linens not matching, the tablecloth being too short, the name cards being last minute, and the candles being needing to be replaced with electric ones (it was too windy for standard candles), there were quite a few things that looked different than what I had envisioned.
Each time something went awry, I could have chosen to feel discouraged or overwhelmed. However, I have hosted enough to know that every minute of preparation for a party is precious, and I simply did not have time to be stressed. Especially for this party, which we set up in my parent’s backyard, and had to walk everything down by hand. With some design help from my husband, I adapted and chose not to let my disappointment overwhelm me.
When my aunt commented to me that I seemed so calm and graceful throughout the day, it occurred to me that it has taken quite a bit of practice to be able to host in this way. Later when I reflected on the day I saw how my attitude effected other people around me, and my relaxed demeanor allowed everyone else to be relaxed and enjoy the preparations as well. Now my memory of the entire day is filled with joy, and I wasn’t so worn out that I couldn’t enjoy the main event.
Hosting is part art and science, which means that it can be broken down into steps. While I cannot guarantee that if you follow these steps something won’t be overcooked or that everyone will have fun, I can guarantee that these steps will help you “fake it until you make it.”
Plan ahead
The day before we planned to go down to my parent’s, I called my mom to see what she had. I literally had her on a video call and had her walk me around her house to see her linens, plates, and cups. She counted to make sure we had enough for everyone. I tried to imagine how I would put it all together, and I decided what I would bring from my own home to supplement.
Labeling serving platters with sticky notes of what you plan to serve on them is a great way to plan something out the night before, and will allow people to help you assemble last minute
Write a To Do List
I like to write a To Do list at the beginning of the week before I plan to host, and the morning of. I often feel overwhelmed at all the things that need to be accomplished, but I find if I write it all down, it helps me chip away at what needs to be done without having to sort through all of the tasks in my head. A to do list also allows other people to easily help.
The weekly to do list should include:
When you plan to grocery shop
Cleaning schedule
Food prep schedule
The day of to do list should include:
Decorating checklist
Oven schedule
Deadlines throughout the day for when tasks should be started or completed
Turning on music
Emptying dishwasher
Taking out the trash
Make it as detailed as possible (both for the satisfaction of checking them off, and so that people can help you)
Have a meeting with your hosting partner
The last thing you want to be doing while you’re getting ready for a party is fielding a bunch of questions from the person who is helping you. Ideally you go over the to do list in the morning with them so they can have the autonomy to get their items done without having to stop and ask you throughout the day.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
Your time is so precious when you are preparing for a party. The last thing you have time for is a thirty minute emotional detour over how to fold the napkins. Just make a decision, don’t let it stress you, and move on. It is literally impossible for anyone to know how you envisioned it, so no one will know it isn’t up to your expectations unless you tell them.
Get yourself ready early
While I am a girl who likes to dress up and look nice, I know I will never get myself ready in the way I’d prefer if I wait until the last minute. I have found getting ready earlier in the day, and at the very latest 1 1/2 - 2 hours before the party allows me to feel more put together. It is better to have yourself ready and still getting the party together when people arrive than to have the party ready and still be in your pajamas, and have to leave to get ready as guests are arriving.
Allow people to help
Often people want to help, you but they don’t know how. There are plenty of small tasks they can help with (use the list below if you need ideas), to help out.
Polish silverware and glassware.
Light candles before people sit down to eat.
Take out the trash or put a trash bag next to the drinks.
If you’re struggling on deciding something, then ask for their opinion.
Ask them to help you take pictures throughout the evening or as you’re getting ready.
Do one full table setting, show them how to fold the napkin, and then they can finish setting the table for you.
Don’t apologize or announce your mistakes
Our first instinct when we mess up is to announce it either to make sure people know we know it isn’t perfect, or to have people help us feel better. While it is one thing to talk something through with your hosting partner, your guests should not feel responsible to comfort you over a mistake. They either will not notice in the first place, or they will feel more uncomfortable having to make you feel better.
There’s not much that good food + good music + good company can’t redeem, so don’t sweat the small stuff.
If you need more help planning your party, check out my Dinner Party Guide, which takes you through everything you need to know to plan your party.
